By Dr. Mariam Ibrahim
Contributing Columnist
With rising concerns about children’s mental health, many parents wonder how they can be preventive and best support their kids’ emotional well-being. My answer is always simple: time and connection.
Taking time to connect with your child on a regular basis can go a long way. It’s a simple concept that often gets ignored or forgotten due to families’ busy schedules and constant distractions.
If there’s one recommendation I find myself giving families the most – regardless of the presenting problem, whether it be anxiety, challenging behavior or difficulties with emotion regulation – it’s to spend quality time connecting with your kids.
Research suggests parents who do this have children who are secure in their relationship with their parents, are more confident, have fewer behavior challenges, and are better able to weather difficulties and cope with challenges.
Spending time with your kids tells them: I care about you, you are important, and you matter to me – messages that get programmed into their brains at an early age and carried into adulthood.
Many times, parents go straight to asking me, “How do I discipline my child? They don’t listen!” And oftentimes, the answer starts with securing a relationship and connection with them. Children (or any of us) are less likely to want to comply with adults who they don’t have a secure relationship with. The connection is the foundation to everything else.
Have a toddler? Engage with them in an interactive game or toy.
Parent of a teen? Tell them you want to spend time with them (even if you face initial pushback) and ask what they’d like to do with you.
Kids of all ages – from birth to teens – crave time and attention from their parents.
Let your child pick what they want to do with you instead of you telling them what you want to do. And follow their lead.
Small emotional deposits
I recommend setting aside 15 to 20 minutes each day to sit with your child. These bits of time are small deposits that “fill their emotional cup.” The small amounts of time you invest in early can prevent worse problems later.
Be intentional about the time spent with your kids. There should be no distractions – it’s just you and them.
These aren’t difficult concepts, but they are hard to implement consistently. It’s tough as parents to remember our kids require consistent time and attention.
Often, I hear parents say, “Oh, I spend time with them – we just went to Disneyland” – a major event that doesn’t happen regularly. While that’s great, it doesn’t have to be that complicated – and big outings are often difficult to sustain repeatedly.
Lifelong memories
We all remember things that are enjoyable that we did consistently with our parents. Growing up, my mother and I enjoyed going on shopping dates, and I remember the moments she would stroke my hair on her lap. These positive memories are the ones that stick with me even into adulthood.
Parenting is often hard and demanding. However, after engaging in time connecting with their kids, many parents come back to me saying how much they enjoy being with their child. Others say they learned new things about their child.
With summer around the corner and the school year ending soon, you’ll have more opportunities to spend time with your kids. The investment will go a long way for their emotional and mental well-being.
